Because it is Tuesday, that means that it's cheap day at the movies here. So I made the most of this and went to see Juno. It was a great film. It could quite easily go into the "Chick Flick" category but it has enough laughs in it to keep us boys interested too. It was written by someone that has a grip on the way young people think for once. Good job mate. If you have not seen it yet, I strongly suggest you pull your finger out.

My grandma owns a small property out of Brisbane in a suburb called Greenbank. She and my grandfather have owned it for longer than I have been alive so from the moment I was born I was half raised on that place. It no longer has cows and chickens and all that crap but the neighbours keep one of their horses in the top paddock to keep the grass down.

One of the requirements of the place is to keep the grass down and burn off any rubbish lying around (mainly sticks and branches that the ride on mowers cant deal with.) So on the weekend I went out there with Grandma and burned heaps of wood, spent hours on the ride on mowers, hours fixing them, then hours back on them. It's hard work but I feel great for having done it. Grandma was quite pleased that I helped too, the least that I could do considering I am staying at her place for free while I am here.

Below is some pictures of the place. Notice the rain water tanks (very important because there is no running water) and the Dunny (outdoor toilet - for the obvious reason.) Sometimes getting back to basics is a great way to relax. Even if you have to avoid the 10 ft carpet pyton that calls the Dunny home.

I have taken the ferry from where I am staying (grandmas house) dockside to the city on more than 1 occasion. The first time I saw some guys and girls making a movie near one of the pontoons in the city. There was 2 guys on bikes in front of the cameras having a chat. Both guys were in full skin hugging bike wear, only thing was that one guy must have weighed 175kgs easily. Most comical. I just wish that I had my camera for that.

I must say $4.30 (about 1.90 GBP) return off peak is quite a reasonable price for the ferry. Considering how many people actually use it, they must be loosing a bit of money. Aww well not my problem. I quite enjoy the ride. Quite relaxing actually. I can sit inside and listen to the ferry drivers music or sit up top and suntan for the 20 min ride. The trip takes me from right outside my place to about 400m from where the action is in Brisbane's Queen Street Mall. I do enjoy the hourly sight of cops arresting someone for something stupid in the mall.

Once with a girl friend of mine from many years ago I was attacked in the mall by a drunk. We had just finished a rather successful night at the Treasury Casino and were headed into the mall to visit some pubs and clubs. Coming the other way was a drunk who despite my attempts to get out of his way, rammed into me and poured his drink all over my new $500 lounge suit (yes I can dress to impress.) Needless to say I was not too happy with the situation and said a few choice words from him to think about. He took that as an opportunity to practice his drunken boxing. He was so drunk that I had time to get my suit jacket off and hand it to my girlfriend before I kicked his ass into next Wednesday. I then proceeded down to the local cop shop that is in the mall and reported the incident. And there on CCTV you could clearly see what happened. The cops were impressed that I took the time to take my jacket off first. I think they gave me points for class. Anyway they guy stumbled off somewhere and they never got him, but I think I got my own justice for that night. Note: The dry cleaners were able to get the stain out.

But other than that 1 incident I think the mall is a great place to hang out and have a few beers in the beer gardens and watch the cricket or tennis. The mixing of cultures that you can see is great. I even saw an Asian family on their way somewhere. Dad was the most Australian, he was wearing a singlet, shorts and thongs and carried a carton of beer on this shoulder. Who ever said people from different cultures cant integrate into society? Well that man!!!

Well to all that were wondering (or caring) yes I am alive, but I have been so lazy with my blog it may not have seemed like it. What can I say, I have been playing with my body clock and for the first week was playing the vampire game, I only came out at night. Anyway I will post a few blogs in a row here. I will try to keep them short and sweet and give a pretty good idea of whats been going on with me. Cheers for now.

Well just a quick note to all my millions of fans. I have arrived in the river city (of Australia) - Brisbane. After some 35 hours of travelling including 4 countries and 3 continents I arrived safely. I don't know how frequent my internet connection is going to be over here as I will be doing alot of travelling over the next 6 weeks. I will do my best to take pictures and keep a diary of my adventures (blog) as those of you who know me know that I can get myself into a rather large amount of trouble in a short period of time.

Anyway have a good one and I'll write as soon as the jet-lag starts to clear off.

I hope you haven't broken your new years resolutions yet. In a effort to keep my 1 fan happy, I decided that with the spare time that I have today to update my blog. As promised, the next installment in my blog is the Hair "styles" of Berlin. Now you can ask anyone who knows me that I really should not be talking about this topic given that I am 24 years old and have been balding since I was 5. Also I don't regularly get my hair cut so when it is allowed to grow long I do look like a hippie.

As you may or may not be aware of, Berlin is a fairly liberal city. This goes for fashion sense as well. I have noticed that while other German cities' residence have the stock standard "long hair for girls, short hair for boys, in the natural hair colour only rule" Berlin has decided to buck the "orderly German" trend.

I have seen guys with hair down to their ass's (can be deceptive), women with shaven heads (this is not pretty) green hair, blue hair, orange hair and sometimes green/blue/orange hair. But my favourite is the half head shaven, half head with long coloured hair. Must say they can do one hell of a comb-over.

But what gets me with this thing is, where he hell do they get the ideas for this? Were they dropped into a vat of green acid like the Joker from Batman or were they playing with a dye bag they got from a bank? Seriously. I wonder what their parents think of this, although I am sure that they don't care what their parents think, it would be nice to find out what dysfunction is in the family that made their children grow-up and decide that they need to do this as their form of rebellion.

Do they find it cool to have this as their hair style? Well obviously, but I can tell that when these people become politicians, lawyers, doctors etc they are going to want to burn every photo of themselves from this time. I cant wait to see the first rock punk president. We shall call him / her El Presidante le Rock.

Anyway because I am so logically minded, I am going to think about the logistical problems with some of the hair styles. Lets look at the half shaven head idea. It gets cold here in Berlin, real cold. Perhaps shaving part of your head isn't such a good idea...? Or maybe they are like all the other struggling artists here in Berlin. Full of ideas but nowhere to put them. Maybe the artistic side of their brain is heating up so much that they need it cooled off, always a possibility.

Then there is the short hair with long fringe. This is a serious hazard. It's like the dulux paint dog that cant see anything, these people are sure to be hit by a car or bus sooner or later. Or maybe they have it because their outlook on the world is so bleak that they can't stand to see it. Yet another one of the artists problems. Basically any other wacky hair style can be attributed to struggling artists as well.

Here is a link for some more weird hair styles

I am a simple man. I like simple things like football, cricket, all you can eat buffets and space shuttle launches. But why can I not find a decent woman with a hair style that doesn't make me laugh or cry here in Berlin? I came here with warped ideas of finding a nice blonde German bar wench with pony tails that would serve me beer wearing a dress that pushed her ample bosoms out. Perhaps I was suckered into all the Oktober fest / German porno footage I have seen in my life. Whatever the reason, if there is a German girl reading this that matches the description I have given above, feel free to marry me.

Until later my friend(s) have a good one wasting the bosses time at work surfing the internet.

As I said before, I would do a blog on this phenomenon, "People who wear "Bum bags / Fanny packs" and what that says about them"

For ease of use I will only refer to them as bum bags, as this is the term I know. So you Yanks will have to get used to it. Living here in Berlin I have noticed the abundance of these fashion insults.

Although they may be somewhat practical, they do nothing for the image of the wearer. When I was asked to think of the image of a person that wears them by a good friend, my immediate thought was that of Lebanese wannabe ganstaz in Australia (sort of like Hoddies in the UK.) They are often seen wearing a white tracksuit, a sideways cap and a rather large, loosely fitting black bum bag, over where their penis should be. Now I don't know if it is supposed to be some kind of gang symbol, similar to that of the blood and crips gang colours in the US or if it has a more practical reason for being, so that when a rival kicks them where their balls should be it won't hurt as much. Either way they look stupid and should be treated as such.

The second is the BVG ticket inspectors. These guys (and girls) need somewhere to chuck their computer thingy that takes names when you don't have a ticket. Travel hint. Do not travel on a train in Berlin when you see someone with a bum bag get on if you don't have a valid ticket (you must insert your ticket into another machine to make the ticket valid.) These guys are on a quota system so the more people they catch the more money they get I guess. The very fact that I purchased a ticket from a ticket machine and hoped on a train and got busted for not validating it on my second day here in Germany automatically makes them my mortal enemies. Not too happy with the 40 euro fine either, bastards.

Prostitutes around Berlin also seem to have these accessories as well. And although I am not usually noticing the bum bag, I am sure that they could use a handbag of some sorts to make them look like ladies. As for what is in the bag I am unsure but I will hazard a guess. Condoms, Pepper Spray, Mobile Phone, Keys and perhaps a extendible baton of some sort. If anyone can enlighten me on this please do, I wont ask too many questions as to how you know their contents.

Japanese tourists. Ha, where do I begin? Do they not make pants with pockets in Japan? I guess not because I have never seen one put their hand into their pocket if only to keep warm. General hint with tourists, Japanese have bum bags, Chinese have a shirt or jumper with the name of the country they are in and a camera around their neck, Americans have a map and ask directions by shouting, hoping that by raising their voice somehow everyone will understand English, Brits will ask if the natives speak English in the native language of the land and if that doesn't work will use sign language to figure things out (Americans take note), Australians and Irish will talk loudly to everyone like they have known them for a lifetime and invite them out for a drink.

Old people. This I think is fair enough. Trying to carry around all of those medications would just be a hassle. When I get old and don't care what anyone thinks I am sure to do the same.

That's about all I can wrangle from this one. So remember, next time you see a person wearing one, try and work out which group they are in.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I have never really thought about that saying until today. What does it really mean. Many people say it off the cuff but do we really comprehend the meaning? Lets look at it from a purely geographic position. Mars is the planet next further away from the sun to earth and Venus is the next closest. So men come from a barren planet with big mountains, deep valleys and no water. Women come from a highly pressurised volcanic planet with an acid atmosphere. Perhaps this can explain some of the types of men and women...?

Men - like doing dangerous things, just like big kids. Jumping off high things or exploring caves and the like with little regard for their own safety (or others when it comes to that).

Women - Are highly strung and stress about everything they can. They are so highly pressurised that for no (apparent) reason, they will explode spewing rivers of boiling hot vengeance.

Now I know that I have offended everyone on the planet. But please don't send me comments that not all women or men are like I have described, I know but for the purpose of describing this I have used it. Plus I am sure you all know of at least one person that fits these types, but I digress.

So we are on Earth and obviously excluding the fact that we are only coming to grips with space travel, men and women both ended up here a fair while ago. So we met and procreated etc etc. In the cave man days I don't suppose it was so important to get to know your mate as I guess the alpha male got whomever he wanted. But nowadays things are a bit different, requiring (usually the male) to court and woo the female into a relationship (be it with alcohol, movie tickets or a porche.)

This is where understanding of the opposite sex come into being. For a complete and whole relationship (now that we live past 30 years old) people have the option of finding a new mate in their life should the first one not work out. Understanding the needs, annoyances and wishes of the other is vitally important if the relationship is to succeed.

Now I refer you to the section above where I described women. I said the word apparently. This is a classic example of not understanding the female of the species. However the male is not always at fault when the woman refuses to explain, example "Well if you don't know that I am sure as hell not going to tell you." How is a man supposed to know.

This is an example where males do not pay enough attention to women's subtle hints because we rely on people telling us. And where women don't understand that men don't get hints, only direct speech. Maybe in schools there should be classes on this. I think it would be quite beneficial and would have saved me, and countless others heartache.

So we are from different planets and have both been chucked here on Earth not fully being able to grasp each others quirks. Most of us do the best we can to get by on this big rock as it is much more hospitable then either of our two home planets. But in the end we are made for one thing and one thing only, to procreate and continue the species. Perhaps in a few million years we will understand why men like to go camping while women want to stay at the Hilton.

Hey all,

Now this is a bit late, because I already sent this to my friends a couple of days ago but thought that I needed to add this to the blog anyway, enjoy.

Well I have recovered from typing and am ready for round two. Last night I got my first good nights sleep in ages. I went to sleep at 2200h and woke up at 0400h this morning. I didn't need to wake up until 0745h but I guess it's a step in the right direction towards something that might resemble a normal sleep pattern. I suppose that figures, I have been sleeping during the day and staying up all night - getting ready for the time zone change back to Australian time and now I have buggered that all up.

New years was great. I arrived back in Berlin at 1930h on the 31st and promptly started making phone calls to organise my night. As I was talking to one of my mates he mentioned that another one of our mutual friends was on a flight from Bristol as well. I turned around and there he was, pretty freaky that we didn't even see each other the whole time in the Airport in England or on the flight. We headed to our mates place and I had noticed when landing in Berlin that there was thousands of fireworks going off around the city. Stepping off the airport bus the first thing I heard was a giant explosion from one of them which sent me back to my time in Vietnam, I love the smell of napalm in the morning, seriously I thought shell shock was going to set in with the amount of explosions going off.

By the time we arrived at my mates place the party had already started. My mate (Irish) has his sister her boyfriend, another Irish guy, 3 of my American friends and one of their German boyfriends, 3 Finnish friends, a Swedish girl and her boyfriend, a German girl, a Romanian girl and of course my Welsh mate and I. If I have missed anyone I am forever sorry as I was pretty drunk. So it was a fruit salad of nationalities, which I have become used to here in Berlin. The party, well I should say the aftermath showed just how much alcohol was consumed. There was huge bags of empty bottles in the house, quite impressive really. We sat drank and flirted, just the usual I guess.

Nearer to the magical Zero hour, fireworks started up across the street. One lot on the roof top across from us, another from the street corner below and another about 15 metres to their left. So we got our own free fireworks show. I was going to go out and buy some but they saved me the effort and money. We opened the windows (it was damn cold) and shouted our approval at their art. We did notice a few misfires that ended up directed at peoples windows, passing cars or buses. A few people were quite worried about one entering the apartment actually. The fireworks went for about 30 mins out the front and it was great. I love a country that gives you the opportunity to celebrate something by blowing part of it (or yourself) up. We went back to our drinking and slowly the party started to disperse.

The next morning was a wake up at about 1130h and I wasn't feeling all that bad, a bit tried that's all. I said my goodbyes and made my way to another friends place to watch DVD's, eat something and sleep. That was all good for about 7 hours until I got the invite back to my mates place to watch the DVD of the Office (British version.) Got back and started helping with the clean-up of the place. It didn't really take that long with all the people we had there. I got tired about 2330h or so and said my goodbyes and headed home. I got home at 0015h, on the 2nd January, 3 days after I had arrived in Berlin. I felt great for achieving that.

We have had some pretty good snow fall here over the last couple of days. It started on new years day and had been on and off since. There are some photos attached to show some workers clearing the roads. I am heading back to German classes this morning, I am excited because it means that I am 1 day closer to being back in Australia.

I have posted an advert to rent my place out while I am in Australia. I got a phone call almost immediately and another one about 2 hours later. So I have to clean the place up and make it warm for when they come through so I can off load this place. I must say that I thought I would have a bit of trouble talking on the phone to these people but my German has advanced to a 5 year old level now so I seemed to manage.

Enough from me I am off to have a shower, get ready for class and then I will go make some phone calls back to Australia. I hope all your new years celebrations were as good as mine and hope that you have not broken your resolutions... yet.

Well it has now been just over 2 weeks since I left Berlin to have Christmas with my grandparents in the UK. Alot went on in that time.

First was the bus trip to Amsterdam, which I will never do again. I was led to believe that it would be strait though with 2 stops to pick up passengers. However we stopped every 2 hours and the driver turned all the lights on and made such a fuss so that any were sleeping, weren't. It all started with being in line to check in with the bus driver. I was standing behind 2 American girls... (yeah it gets better) who didn't speak a word of German. The bus driver was from Poland or something but spoke good German and asked them (in German) if the ticket was for the two of them, and how many bags they had each. After repeating the question I translated it for her so that we were not going to be there all night. She of course answered him in English and I did my job and repeated it in German for the driver. Then he asked her to take the baggage tags and write the names and destination city on them and attach them to their bags. I promptly translated this for her and then she turned around and said to me "Would you be quiet I am trying to listen to what he is saying" then turned back to the driver and said "Can you say that again but in English this time...?" Now the word American idiot doesn't even come close to what happened there. I was shocked but undaunted I politely explained to her that the driver doesn't speak any English and that perhaps I can help. But to no avail, she promptly told me where to go by saying "We have been all around Europe and everyone we have met speaks English so we don't need your help." When she turned around and saw what everyone else was writing on the tags she left to do the same. I had a quick conversation with the driver about her and well you get the idea. Then as the bus left Berlin she came down to where I was sitting and stood over me and asked "Do you know what time the bus arrives in Amsterdam?" Now that she had been less then hospitable towards me I promptly answered with "Yes." Then she just stood there. "And what time is that?!" she screamed at me. so I told her and she left, thankfully never speaking to me again for the duration that we were on the same continent. I know that I should always have been hospitable and not been a smart ass when she asked about the arrival time but I thought she needed some of her own medicine.

I arrived in Amsterdam at 5 in the morning after about 30 mins sleep throughout the night and ohh Buddha was it cold and windy. About -2 deg or something. I had to wait 1 hour until the trains started so that I could get to Centraal Station (main station as you might have guessed.) From there (about 0620h) I took a walk around, not having been to Amsterdam for 2 1/2 years I had no idea where I was heading. I walked around for a while until I got my bearings and started to remember where I was. I then found a nice little pancake place (Holland and waffles / pancakes = awesome) and had a bacon and cheese pancake with maple syrup for breakfast. I swear that and the coffee was so welcome that morning. I then proceeded to find a map so that I would see some stuff that I wanted to see in the short time I had left. The tourist office was closed so the best I could do was a Tram map of Amsterdam. I went round and pulled out the map to get my bearings, when a rather tall woman asked if she could be of assistance. We had a chat and she was most pleasant (should be the poster woman for friendly Amsterdam I think) and the kicker - she works at the Heineken brewery. I think I could have married her, if she wasn't 2 foot taller than me. I had fun looking around.. I did notice an abundance of Japanese tourists. There were millions of them, just like the Gold Coast.

Got to the airport with plenty of time to spare (congrats to Amsterdam for making the Airport part of the rail network so that it only costs a single ticket to get to... not like London where it costs 20 pounds) There I was waiting in line for the gate to open for the flight where I got chatting with what I thought to be an old hippie and his wife. It turns out that he was 32 (looked 55) and was part of an AC/DC tribute band. Pretty cool guy actually, it turns out that he was going to be playing a gig in my grandparents village about 1 min walk from their house (the Memo for those who know where it is) I didn't go out that night because of what happened that night before but i'll explain that to you in a minute.

Met the grandparents at Cardiff airport (CWS is the code as I found out not CDF - not that it matters to anyone) and there was not security in sight so I just strolled out... great spending all this money on security but if no-one is there to use it what's the point? Quick trip back and I was feeling quite happy to be out of Berlin. Not much happened until Friday night. I had noticed that a disco was to be held at one of the local pubs and knowing that this town is pretty choice poor when it comes to party venues I thought that I would give it a go. It also happened to be what's called Black Friday (because its the last Friday before Christmas and cops make heaps of arrests.) Went down to a local to start with and all I wanted was a Guinness (cant get good Guinness in Berlin) but the pub had only 2 beers left, Carling and Fosters. Being the good Aussie I couldn't bring myself to drink that crap Fosters. Anyway they had a James Bond film on the TV so I sat and watched that while drinking.. sad I know but I love Bond. Then decided to head to the Disco. Well imagine a place the size of my bedroom and then crowd 100 people into it.. yeah packed. Met a girl named Amy (or Amie never now these days) and we hit it off. But as my luck would have it her brother was there as well and decided he wanted to fight me. Now he was 4 foot nothing so I doubt I would have had much trouble but I was worried about how many other brothers she had in this place as well. She convinced him to leave then at 1am we all got thrown out when the place closed. Yeah 1 am ... that is when a party gets started in Berlin... Anyway apart from the nearly 3 fights and 1 stabbing that I found myself in I considered it a good night.

Nothing really happened for the most of the time that I was there from that point on. I did watch an enormous amount of TV - Thank you satellite dish. I also had a bit of trouble sleeping and would often stay awake until 5am. But that being said I did get to watch the Australia vs India cricket.. most happy. We went out to lunch a few times and I did really enjoy a good pub meal. Steak and Guinness pie with a pint of Guinness, That is heaven. I did for the first few days have a bit of trouble adjusting to the food again and spent a bit of time on the klo but apart from that the food was great.

The grandparents drove me to Bristol Airport for my flight back to Berlin. I was a bit sad to leave but I was looking forward to New years with friends. I said my goodbyes and headed into the airport. Another thing I noticed was much more security than at Cardiff, however not 1 time going through there did I get my passport checked. I still cant figure that one out. When I got to Berlin they checked it.. but not on the English side. Ohh and some information for all you would be European travellers, with the 100ml limit on liquids in the EU watch out, they consider Vegemite a liquid. I would love to see someone try and drink it.

Anyway I have included some photos of Amsterdam for your enjoyment. I will write about New years when I recover from RSI from typing this..

Cheers for now

Matt